Nancy Cole

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Jul 4

The Road to Somewhere

I find myself sitting in an air-conditioned luxury coach with wifi observing the driver of that other bus that I was thrown under. He thinks I’m still under there.

I made a little effort to get his attention, wave, smile — “Hey! I’m over here!”. But he’s focused on his driving, and impressing his passenger, because at least on that bus they are riding together. So let him imagine I’m there as long as it serves him. His bus moves slowly with me under the wheels, and its a strain to see him in the rear view mirror.

So I lay back, close my eyes, and sing….

"And I’ve gone by the point of caring,
Some old bed I’ll soon be sharing,
And I’ve got one more silver dollar,
But I’m not gonna let ‘em catch me, no
Not gonna let ‘em catch the Midnight Rider.”

~ Midnight Rider, Allman Brothers

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person—without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.

- Osho

Jun 1
On! @djshooey @space_cowboys #PublicWorks #UrbanCowboy #ripe #ripecast (at The Public Works SF)

On! @djshooey @space_cowboys #PublicWorks #UrbanCowboy #ripe #ripecast (at The Public Works SF)

May 6
theparisreview:

“Don’t touch her, she’s dead, I thought, as if this kind of touch pollutes. But another part of me knew that death isn’t contagious, that it moves more slowly than we think.”
Bess Lovejoy on her closest experience with death.

theparisreview:

“Don’t touch her, she’s dead, I thought, as if this kind of touch pollutes. But another part of me knew that death isn’t contagious, that it moves more slowly than we think.”

Bess Lovejoy on her closest experience with death.

#heart #hypem #hypehotel #beautiful production.

#heart #hypem #hypehotel #beautiful production.

Mar 7
Exactly home. #NorthTower #MarinCountyLine #crunchy GoldenGateBridge #nirthday #friends

Exactly home. #NorthTower #MarinCountyLine #crunchy GoldenGateBridge #nirthday #friends

It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

- Lester Burnham, American Beauty

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile she’ll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

- Erick S. Gray

Patience only takes you so far. Then, at some point, you’ve moved from patience to self-betrayal.

-

~Nancy Cole

I decided to stop betraying myself as it became increasingly obvious I was being betrayed ever more by a man stuck in an endless loop of lamenting a past betrayal against me.#tragic

As patience wore out, I lost myself. Betrayed who I am. Then I found I had it all in my power to regain sanity, and return to #peace.

Dreamy low #fog under bright blue sky & #sunshine! #classic #SF #SouthTower  (at Golden Gate Bridge)

Dreamy low #fog under bright blue sky & #sunshine! #classic #SF #SouthTower (at Golden Gate Bridge)

I’m definitely going to miss this place. #gorgeous #home #sunset

I’m definitely going to miss this place. #gorgeous #home #sunset

Oxygen & Light

That feeling you get when buried alive — kicking, screaming, scratching in panic — and there appeared the latch. Released. #deepbreath #oxygen #light #freedom

Onward & Upward

This post is for efficient communication (so I hope it isn’t too long!). For those who haven’t yet heard, Khris and I have officially separated. After many many months of struggling with that decision, it became clear that the struggle was overtaking our lives, impacting our family negatively, and causing an undue amount of stress. It’s time for peace.

We have four wonderful kids and we love them tons. They came together from past marriages 11 years ago — at ages 1, 2, 3, and 5 — putting up with our magnetic need to be together — not by their (toddler) choice. And so they bravely, over time, made each other family. It is my hope that they will always be so. And it is my hope that I, and my two children, will be considered close, and my home a place of refuge, to the Loux boys, even after they have become men. I will forever consider them my “bonus” sons, and they always have a place with me and my children.

To our amazing friends and family: please know that an inordinate amount of energy — probably too much effort and energy — was spent attempting to thwart this decision and land on a different outcome. I can say that neither Khris nor I would have ever believed this outcome possible even just a couple of years ago. It was almost impossible to come to given our soul connection, and in the making of the decision, have pushed even our friendship to unthinkable limits. We are still attempting to get our heads around all of this.

And you all have lives that you are living. I write openly because I’ve been incredibly overwhelmed by the support and love each of us has received; and recognize that we are living in somewhat of a drama bubble at the moment (and not necessarily the noisy kind). Things are heavier on the inside, of course. There are many many people I want to connect with about all of this but have not had the chance to yet, am sometimes just sort of stuck, and the focus on *me* feels uncomfortable and egocentric at times with all of the other struggles in the world. There are some I’ve leaned on inordinately. Khris and I are both blessed by all of you. We love each other deeply. And I personally thank you for being there, and for the reminder to push forward with the things that matter the most.

So, not in the spirit of cavalier, but in appreciation for all that I have to celebrate, I echo the words of a very old friend who, upon hearing this news in a one sentence version replied: “well…. onward and upward”. And that was all. Okay, he might have been a bit cavalier. But it’s resonated over the weeks and helped me look to the future.

So I look forward to continuing friendships in any and all instances that they manifest. So many of you mean the world to me, inside or outside of being in a relationship. Thank you for you. Thank you for my family and friends. With love. ~N

Clouds overhead but the light shimmering on the horizon is stunning. Into the Great Wide Open. #hope #promise #poetry (at Half Moon Bay State Beach (Francis Beach))

Clouds overhead but the light shimmering on the horizon is stunning. Into the Great Wide Open. #hope #promise #poetry (at Half Moon Bay State Beach (Francis Beach))

Walking on water. #stillness #peace

Walking on water. #stillness #peace