Does immersion in all things spiritually enlightening and expansive every really soak into our skin, through our bodies, and into our soul? Spiritual direction, meditation, yoga, buddha, burning rituals, soulseeds, all manner of reading…. and some days I worry about being impervious.
Some days it feels like baby steps forward, and then giant steps back. It can be exhausting and discouraging, and the steps backward seem so big (whether they are or not is hard to tell), and are generally called out. Steps forward are almost hard to notice, and are generally not called out by others (although if we’ve moved forward far enough, then, of course, we don’t need others to notice).
The uphill path toward self-actualization, awareness, fearlessness, and letting go is fraught with obstacles (some of which we carry on our backs), unsure footing, sliding sections, and the occasional mud puddle. Sometimes I need to just sit down where I am on the path, brush myself off, look around, and then close my eyes. Do I have the energy to get back up and keep going knowing that I am not likely to reach the pinnacle (assuming one exists) given my humanity and lack of ashram time? How does it feel to be another mile ahead? Worth it?
Maybe tomorrow. Today I need to sit here wanting to enjoy the view from where I am, but unable to open my eyes.